The Street before OLIVIA'S House. |
|
Enter Clown and FABIAN. |
Fab. Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter. |
Clo. Good Master Fabian, grant me another request. |
Fab. Anything. |
Clo. Do not desire to see this letter. |
Fab. This is, to give a dog, and, in recompense desire my dog again. |
|
Enter DUKE, VIOLA, CURIO, and Attendants. |
Duke. Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends? |
Clo. Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings. |
Duke. I know thee well: how dost thou, my good fellow? |
Clo. Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse for my friends. |
Duke. Just the contrary; the better for thy friends. |
Clo. No, sir, the worse. |
Duke. How can that be? |
Clo. Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me; now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself, and by my friends I am abused: so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two affirmatives, why then, the worse for my friends and the better for my foes. |
Duke. Why, this is excellent. |
Clo. By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be one of my friends. |
Duke. Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold. |
Clo. But that it would be double-dealing, sir, |
I would you could make it another. |
Duke. O, you give me ill counsel. |
Clo. Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it. |
Duke. Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double-dealer: there's another. |
Clo. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old saying is, 'the third pays for all:' the triplex, sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three. |
Duke. You can fool no more money out of me at this throw: if you will let your lady know I am here to speak with her, and bring her along with you, it may a wake my bounty further. |
Clo. Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness; but as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I will awake it anon. [Exit. |
Vio. Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me. |
|
Enter ANTONIO and Officers. |
Duke. That face of his I do remember well; |
Yet when I saw it last, it was besmear'd |
As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war. |
A bawbling vessel was he captain of, |
For shallow draught and hulk unprizable; |
With which such scathful grapple did he make |
With the most noble bottom of our fleet, |
That very envy and the tongue of loss |
Cried fame and honour on him. What's the matter? |
First Off. Orsino, this is that Antonio |
That took the Phœnix and her fraught from Candy; |
And this is he that did the Tiger board, |
When your young nephew Titus lost his leg. |
Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state, |
In private brabble did we apprehend him. |
Vio. He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side; |
But in conclusion put strange speech upon me: |
I know not what 'twas but distraction. |
Duke. Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief! |
What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies |
Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear, |
Hast made thine enemies? |
Ant. Orsino, noble sir, |
Be pleas'd that I shake off these names you give me: |
Antonio never yet was thief or pirate, |
Though I confess, on base and ground enough, |
Orsino's enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither: |
That most ingrateful boy there by your side, |
From the rude sea's enrag'd and foamy mouth |
Did I redeem; a wrack past hope he was: |
His life I gave him, and did thereto add |
My love, without retention or restraint, |
All his in dedication; for his sake |
Did I expose myself, pure for his love, |
Into the danger of this adverse town; |
Drew to defend him when he was beset: |
Where being apprehended, his false cunning, |
Not meaning to partake with me in danger, |
Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance, |
And grew a twenty years removed thing |
While one would wink, denied me mine own purse, |
Which I had recommended to his use |
Not half an hour before. |
Vio. How can this be? |
Duke. When came he to this town? |
Ant. To-day, my lord; and for three months before,— |
No interim, not a minute's vacancy,— |
Both day and night did we keep company. |
|
Enter OLIVIA and Attendants. |
Duke. Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth! |
But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness: |
Three months this youth hath tended upon me; |
But more of that anon. Take him aside. |
Oli. What would my lord, but that he may not have, |
Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable? |
Cesario, you do not keep promise with me. |
Vio. Madam! |
Duke. Gracious Olivia.— |
Oli. What do you say, Cesario? Good my lord,— |
Vio. My lord would speak; my duty hushes me. |
Oli. If it be aught to the old tune, my lord, |
It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear |
As howling after music. |
Duke. Still so cruel? |
Oli. Still so constant, lord. |
Duke. What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady, |
To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars |
My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breath'd out |
That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do? |
Oli. Even what it please my lord, that shall become him. |
Duke. Why should I not, had I the heart to do it, |
Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death, |
Kill what I love? a savage jealousy |
That sometimes savours nobly. But hear me this: |
Since you to non-regardance cast my faith, |
And that I partly know the instrument |
That screws me from my true place in your favour, |
Live you, the marble-breasted tyrant still; |
But this your minion, whom I know you love, |
And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly, |
Him will I tear out of that cruel eye, |
Where he sits crowned in his master's spite. |
Come, boy, with me; my thoughts are ripe in mischief; |
I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love, |
To spite a raven's heart within a dove. [Going. |
Vio. And I, most jocund, apt, and willingly, |
To do you rest, a thousand deaths would die. [Following. |
Oli. Where goes Cesario? |
Vio. After him I love |
More than I love these eyes, more than my life, |
More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife. |
If I do feign, you witnesses above |
Punish my life for tainting of my love! |
Oli. Ah me, detested! how am I beguil'd! |
Vio. Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong? |
Oli. Hast thou forgot thyself? Is it so long? |
Call forth the holy father. [Exit an Attendant. |
Duke. [To VIOLA.] Come away. |
Oli. Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay. |
Duke. Husband? |
Oli. Ay, husband: can he that deny? |
Duke. Her husband, sirrah? |
Vio. No, my lord, not I. |
Oli. Alas! it is the baseness of thy fear |
That makes thee strangle thy propriety. |
Fear not, Cesario; take thy fortunes up; |
Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art |
As great as that thou fear'st. |
|
Enter Priest. |
O, welcome, father! |
Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence, |
Here to unfold,—though lately we intended |
To keep in darkness what occasion now |
Reveals before 'tis ripe,—what thou dost know |
Hath newly pass'd between this youth and me. |
Priest. A contract of eternal bond of love, |
Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands, |
Attested by the holy close of lips, |
Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings; |
And all the ceremony of this compact |
Seal'd in my function, by my testimony: |
Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave |
I have travell'd but two hours. |
Duke. O, thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be |
When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case? |
Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow |
That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow? |
Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet |
Where thou and I henceforth may never meet. |
Vio. My lord, I do protest,— |
Oli. O! do not swear: |
Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear. |
|
Enter SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK, with his head broken. |
Sir And. For the love of God, a surgeon! send one presently to Sir Toby. |
Oli. What's the matter? |
Sir And. He has broke my head across, and has given Sir Toby a bloody coxcomb too. For the love of God, your help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home. |
Oli. Who has done this, Sir Andrew? |
Sir And. The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate. |
Duke. My gentleman, Cesario? |
Sir And. Od's lifelings! here he is. You broke my head for nothing! and that that I did, I was set on to do't by Sir Toby. |
Vio. Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you: |
You drew your sword upon me without cause; |
But I bespake you fair, and hurt you not. |
Sir And. If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb. Here comes Sir Toby halting; |
|
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, drunk, led by the Clown. |
you shall hear more: but if he had not been in drink he would have tickled you othergates than he did. |
Duke. How now, gentleman! how is't with you? |
Sir To. That's all one: he has hurt me, and there's the end on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot? |
Clo. O! he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone: his eyes were set at eight i' the morning. |
Sir To. Then he's a rogue, and a passy-measures pavin. I hate a drunken rogue. |
Oli. Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them? |
Sir And. I'll help you, Sir Toby, because we'll be dressed together. |
Sir To. Will you help? an ass-head and a coxcomb and a knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull! |
Oli. Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to. [Exeunt Clown, FABIAN, SIR TOBY, and SIR ANDREW. |
|
Enter SEBASTIAN. |
Seb. I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman; |
But, had it been the brother of my blood, |
I must have done no less with wit and safety. |
You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that |
I do perceive it hath offended you: |
Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows |
We made each other but so late ago. |
Duke. One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons; |
A natural perspective, that is, and is not! |
Seb. Antonio! O my dear Antonio! |
How have the hours rack'd and tortur'd me |
Since I have lost thee! |
Ant. Sebastian are you? |
Seb. Fear'st thou that, Antonio? |
Ant. How have you made division of yourself? |
An apple cleft in two is not more twin |
Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian? |
Oli. Most wonderful! |
Seb. Do I stand there? I never had a brother; |
Nor can there be that deity in my nature, |
Of here and every where. I had a sister, |
Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd. |
Of charity, what kin are you to me? |
What countryman? what name? what parentage |
Vio. Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father; |
Such a Sebastian was my brother too, |
So went he suited to his watery tomb. |
If spirits can assume both form and suit |
You come to fright us. |
Seb. A spirit I am indeed; |
But am in that dimension grossly clad |
Which from the womb I did participate. |
Were you a woman, as the rest goes even, |
I should my tears let fall upon your cheek, |
And say, 'Thrice welcome, drowned Viola!' |
Vio. My father had a mole upon his brow. |
Seb. And so had mine. |
Vio. And died that day when Viola from her birth |
Had number'd thirteen years. |
Seb. O! that record is lively in my soul. |
He finished indeed his mortal act |
That day that made my sister thirteen years. |
Vio. If nothing lets to make us happy both |
But this my masculine usurp'd attire, |
Do not embrace me till each circumstance |
Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump |
That I am Viola: which to confirm, |
I'll bring you to a captain in this town, |
Where lie my maiden weeds: by whose gentle help |
I was preserv'd to serve this noble count. |
All the occurrence of my fortune since |
Hath been between this lady and this lord. |
Seb. [To OLIVIA.] So comes it, lady, you have been mistook: |
But nature to her bias drew in that. |
You would have been contracted to a maid; |
Nor are you therein, by my life, deceiv'd, |
You are betroth'd both to a maid and man. |
Duke. Be not amaz'd; right noble is his blood. |
If this be so, as yet the glass seems true, |
I shall have share in this most happy wrack. |
[To VIOLA.] Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times |
Thou never shouldst love woman like to me. |
Vio. And all those sayings will I over-swear, |
And all those swearings keep as true in soul |
As doth that orbed continent the fire |
That severs day from night. |
Duke. Give me thy hand; |
And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds. |
Vio. The captain that did bring me first on shore |
Hath my maid's garments: he upon some action |
Is now in durance at Malvolio's suit, |
A gentleman and follower of my lady's. |
Oli. He shall enlarge him. Fetch Malvolio hither. |
And yet, alas, now I remember me, |
They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract. |
A most extracting frenzy of mine own |
From my remembrance clearly banish'd his. |
|
Re-enter Clown with a letter, and FABIAN. |
How does he, sirrah? |
Clo. Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the stave's end as well as a man in his case may do. He has here writ a letter to you: I should have given it to you to-day morning; but as a madman's epistles are no gospels, so it skills not much when they are delivered. |
Oli. Open it, and read it. |
Clo. Look then to be well edified, when the fool delivers the madman. |
By the Lord, madam,— |
Oli. How now! art thou mad? |
Clo. No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow vox. |
Oli. Prithee, read i' thy right wits. |
Clo. So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear. |
Oli. [To FABIAN.] Read it you, sirrah. |
Fab. By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world shall know it: though you have put me into darkness, and given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of, and speak out of my injury. THE MADLY-USED MALVOLIO. |
Oli. Did he write this? |
Clo. Ay, madam. |
Duke. This savours not much of distraction. |
Oli. See him deliver'd, Fabian; bring him hither. [Exit FABIAN. |
My lord, so please you, these things further thought on, |
To think me as well a sister as a wife, |
One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you, |
Here at my house and at my proper cost. |
Duke. Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer. |
[To VIOLA.] Your master quits you; and, for your service done him, |
So much against the mettle of your sex, |
So far beneath your soft and tender breeding; |
And since you call'd me master for so long, |
Here is my hand: you shall from this time be |
Your master's mistress. |
Oli. A sister! you are she. |
|
Re-enter FABIAN, with MALVOLIO. |
Duke. Is this the madman? |
Oli. Ay, my lord, this same. |
How now, Malvolio! |
Mal. Madam, you have done me wrong, |
Notorious wrong. |
Oli. Have I, Malvolio? no. |
Mal. Lady, you have. Pray you peruse that letter. |
You must not now deny it is your hand: |
Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase, |
Or say 'tis not your seal nor your invention: |
You can say none of this. Well, grant it then, |
And tell me, in the modesty of honour, |
Why you have given me such clear lights of favour, |
Bade me come smiling and cross-garter'd to you, |
To put on yellow stockings, and to frown |
Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people; |
And, acting this in an obedient hope, |
Why have you suffer'd me to be imprison'd, |
Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest, |
And made the most notorious geck and gull |
That e'er invention play'd on? tell me why. |
Oli. Alas! Malvolio, this is not my writing, |
Though, I confess, much like the character; |
But, out of question, 'tis Maria's hand: |
And now I do bethink me, it was she |
First told me thou wast mad; then cam'st in smiling, |
And in such forms which here were presuppos'd |
Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content: |
This practice hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee; |
But when we know the grounds and authors of it, |
Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge |
Of thine own cause. |
Fab. Good madam, hear me speak, |
And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come |
Taint the condition of this present hour, |
Which I have wonder'd at. In hope it shall not, |
Most freely I confess, myself and Toby |
Set this device against Malvolio here, |
Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts |
We had conceiv'd against him. Maria writ |
The letter at Sir Toby's great importance; |
In recompense whereof he hath married her. |
How with a sportful malice it was follow'd, |
May rather pluck on laughter than revenge, |
If that the injuries be justly weigh'd |
That have on both sides past. |
Oli. Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee! |
Clo. Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but that's all one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not mad:' But do you remember? 'Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagged:' and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges. |
Mal. I'll be reveng'd on the whole pack of you. [Exit. |
Oli. He hath been most notoriously abus'd. |
Duke. Pursue him, and entreat him to a peace;— |
He hath not told us of the captain yet: |
When that is known and golden time convents, |
A solemn combination shall be made |
Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister, |
We will not part from hence. Cesario, come; |
For so you shall be, while you are a man; |
But when in other habits you are seen, |
Orsino's mistress, and his fancy's queen. [Exeunt all except Clown. |
|
| SONG. |
| |
| Clo. When that I was and a little tiny boy, |
| With hey, ho, the wind and the rain; |
| A foolish thing was but a toy, |
| For the rain it raineth every day. |
| |
| But when I came to man's estate, |
| With hey, ho, the wind and the rain; |
| 'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gates, |
| For the rain it raineth every day. |
| |
| But when I came, alas! to wive, |
| With hey, ho, the wind and the rain; |
| By swaggering could I never thrive, |
| For the rain it raineth every day. |
| |
| But when I came unto my beds, |
| With hey, ho, the wind and the rain; |
| With toss-pots still had drunken heads, |
| For the rain it raineth every day. |
| |
| A great while ago the world begun, |
| With hey, ho, the wind and the rain; |
| But that's all one, our play is done, |
| And we'll strive to please you every day. |
[Exit. |
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